"When you arise in the morning,think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love...."
Marcus Aurelius

I "arose" several times throughout the night, so here I am bright and early. You know, the saying that once you have children you will never get a full nights sleep again? That sure is proving to be true for me. If my children do manage to sleep the entire night through - in their own bed, then I wake up on some alarm clock that has been embedded in my brain the day I gave birth. Yes, I still wake up for the 3a.m. feedings. Last night however, TanMan was up and down all night. I am not sure why and from what I gathered from him, neither did he. So he crawls in our bed and I wait for him to fall asleep and then I venture off to his bed. Three in a bed does not work well anymore, so I have learned to just search out the first available, empty bed. Then they find me there. I think my kids have radar. Wherever I am they find me even if they are in some stage of sleep. Oh well, I have been told that someday I will miss that. It is true, there is nothing better than snuggling with those babies.

Here it is, 14 days before Christmas. I think that is what I read somewhere here. Which would explain the funk I am in. I wonder how old will I be when I can sit back and just enjoy the season for what it is meant to be. Now, it is just stress and worry for me. (Thanks Mom, for passing that little gene on to me!) I try really hard to stay positive, and this year the holidays are looking better than they have in the past. But I hate that it all comes down to worrying about finances. Watching the excitement in my boys almost keeps my mood above the dreaded disaster line of moods. Then they start acting like little animals, which is caused from all of the excitement of the upcoming events. It is such a double edged sword. My heart fills up to see the little guys all excited with so much hope and anticipation building as we get closer and closer. Then, I take them into a store and they behave totally out of control and out of character. That's when I stand there looking at them in amazement and - pretend they aren't mine!

Yesterday I spent half of the day out shopping. No, not Christmas shopping-I haven't even started that whole ordeal yet. No, I was shopping for snow boots for the boys. I know I waited a little bit late into the season but still, it is only the 2nd week in December. Wouldn't you think that the stores would keep the shelves stocked with boots? Geeesh, I was at 4 different stores before I found boots. It was a good thing too because at the beginning of the shopping day when TanMan and I walked into the first store, he trailing behind me, all I heard was CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP. I turn back and look and the kid is wearing boots that are obviously wayyyyyyy too big. I pull off a boot and look, it is a size 3! TanMan wears size 12, making the boots he is wearing four sizes to big. UGH...failure as a Mom is buzzing in my head. This only makes the need for new boots greater and as I go from store to store the panic in me is rising. So of course, my cell phone rings - and it is my Mother!! She wants to know why I sound so crabby! Well, let me tell you Mom, and I explain the boot size issue and she quickly starts in with a lecture about how could I have let that happen? I have been sending the child to school in those boots. She then asks if I have checked TDogs boots and if maybe that is the reason he is throwing such a big stink about wearing boots? OK, I did not need this now but Mom says to meet her at the store by her house, she is sure they have boots and plus I can then use her senior discount. I am all for discounts, especially this month. So we meet and as we stand in front of the boots-yep, Kohl's has snow boots still, I pull off TanMans boot again and check the size. Hmmmm, size 2....well what in the world, and I pull off the other boot. Size 3! The kid is wearing two different size boots and my Mother is there to witness it. arghhhhhh...there is that failure thing swimming around my head again. My Mother asks; "how could you"?

I just moved my entire household and the majority of the move I did alone while the Mad Scientist was at work. He moved the heavy stuff. I've been busy and occupied with getting schools changed, address changes and the whole load of business that happens when you move. I have an excuse for my neglect, really!

Anyway, I find both the boys boots-tell the guy at checkout to double check and make sure I have matching pairs. Because at this point I am thinking anything is possible and if there is a screw up to be made-I am going to make it. He looks at me like I fell off of a different planet. My mother shakes her head and continues on with her purchase of 2 Christmas mugs ($9 each) and a $14.00 canister of hot chocolate - for my boys. I couldn't resist looking over at her and comment - and you wonder how they get so spoiled?? Fourteen dollars for hot chocolate the stuff better have gold floating in it! The sales guy says that's what grandmas are for. I calmly tell him to not defend her-and she smugly walks off.

I drove home while the thoughts of TDog and if he was going to pitch a fit over the boots I purchased for him? Right now, anything is possible from that child. I am trying to be patient with him. I have upset his whole little world with this move. He has made major changes -major in the life of an 8 year old anyway. I know he picks up on my stress-and he is a worrier. As soon as he is old enough I'll explain that it is his grandmothers fault he is like that Not mine. If everything is always Moms fault-I am using it too-sorry Mom...that's just the way the ball bounces......plus making points with fourteen dollar hot chocolate, after I have forgot the last 2 times when grocery shopping to buy the $1.98 just add hot water kind ---paybacks mom, paybacks.....we all pay!

There that feels a little better. Now I just need the patience and strength to get through the next two weeks Oh and I also need a windfall of cashola to get through it too..cuz my boys have a Santa list a mile long. Now, I wonder who I can blame for the greedy gene they have going on...that probably comes from their Dad's side!! LOLOL