This is me with some of my KINDERGARTEN classmates in our old school gym! The closing of our elementary school brought us together for a reunion. Sad to see our 50 year old school close. It had been 30 years since any of us in this picture had seen each other. It was awesome and strange. Many of our teachers showed up for the reunion also. Walkers and wheel chairs and all!!

Lord, where has the time gone??

Incidentally, one of these boys threatened to kiss me when I was 5. I never spoke to him again until 40 some years later...lol

O.k. - so life is much different now.

I am home alone tonight, my boys are with the mad scientist, at his house. I worked all day and I am tired. HOWEVER.....................................

I am learning to relax.

I am not hearing:

"Mom, can you ---??" or "Mom, I want ---!!" or "Mom, tell him to stop ----!!"(fill in the blanks)

And boy is it quiet.

I can finally breathe. I can almost sleep thru the whole night without my babies under my roof. I can stay up til at least 10p.m. (and not cry myself to sleep at 7p.m. cuz I am so worried about my kids or miss them). UGH That part really sucks! But I am adapting. I am learning to enjoy the silence. I am learning to sit down, put my feet up and have beer and chips for dinner.

I can smile and laugh again. I have the best job ever (life is very good when you like your job!) I am surviving on my own (Thanks Mom and Dad, lets hope I am over the hump!) My rent and car payment (yes, a car payment :o/) are current and my children have finally completed 3 grades in one school!! Stability....i'm doin it!

In fact I am so stable (and have been smoke-free for over 1 year!! yay me!!) that my rear end is getting VERY stable! I've gained some weight..lol..

Life is hard...but I think if you get on the right path, there are times when ya slide...and the wind in your face makes you smile.

Spring time-sort of. Woke up to snow yesterday morning morning! Ugh! Enough already! Seems that it is a busy time for me...running all of the time. The boys are keeping me very busy with school and sports. They grow so fast though....I am currently looking for a pause button.

I am Mom, she who roars!

well helloooooo....I have managed to find my way back here! Sadly (but not surprisingly), I lost my own blog!! Thought I would post here now, see if any old pals are around.

Life is good. Much different but good! My boys are growing so fast that it makes my head spin! Why can't they just stay babies????

updates..........

Wow..November was the last time I typed in here. Time sure flies when life challenges you.
Here is a quick update in no particular order...........

~I am taking online college courses-full time...barely staying above water, I have not did school work since 1982!

~My boys are growing up way too fast, I am looking for the pause button on their life.

~The mad sci and I no longer liver together, a divorce is sure to be soon. Very sad for my boys and the mad sci and I. But I can breathe, and my home is peaceful now-no more fighting. Sending my boys off tomorrow for their first week end visit with their Dad. Oh how I hope i will keep breathing thru this...it is all very had.

~I had to quit my job, so I am now unemployed and looking for work with day time hours.

~My 30 year old step son lost his 29 year old fiance' to a drug overdose in March (they have 4 children under the age of 10. This was the hardest thing I have done since writing here last. To hold four babies at their mothers casket so they could say good bye is gut retching..my heart will never be the same. To hold my 30 yr old step son as he cried for his children's loss is something that will never leave me. Drugs...so stupid and so much pain.

Life is hard..but I am living it. I am moving forward and I am still learning. Every night I thank God that I have my folks...they always have my back!

I am trying to do some catching up here..please send me a note and let me know you are still here and how things are going .........

Thanks..for....

Here it is already Thanksgiving. It is no joke that time flies the older you get. Seems like it was just yesterday when I was sending my boys off on the bus for the first day of the new school year. So life is busy and it is true it keeps going on with or without you participating.

Am I participating? I am still working at the group home, killer hours. Overnight hours that make me crazy and sleeping anywhere and any chance I get. Sometimes it seems as if I am just moving along without any real awareness of where I am moving. And the guilt. Ugh. Mothers guilt. Time away from my kids, not giving them my full attention because I just can't do everything. Homework, lunches, clean clothes, warm gear for winter, volunteer for this or that at school, the list is never ending. Last weeks conferences with the boys teachers has settled a new layer of guilt for me. Are my boys just doing enough to get by? Not excelling like I know they can. Or is that just a typical Mom and her unrealistic expectations of her children. Since everyone knows I have the smartest , most amazing boys on earth. :o)

“The road to ruin is paved with good intentions.”‥and you keep making potholes.

I am still trying to get to the local community college to begin taking classes. I am still hoping to get my yard raked before the snow flies (which is fore casted for Thanksgiving day). I look at my walls daily and still have a plan to paint the entire house. Cutting the Christmas tree down and decorating the house is supposed to be this week end. I still think I can get the growing basket of bills, legal papers and other crap filed. My office is still in line to be unpacked and organized (I have lived here for a year now). I will get my kids on a good schedule for doing homework and getting to bed on time.

Worry is like a rocking chair, it will give you something to do, but it won't get you anywhere. --

My Dad had knee replacement surgery a few weeks back. That day I found myself in the emergence room with my Mother. Good thing I have 3 sisters. We split up and everyone stuck together via cell phones. We irritated countless hospital workers with this. Yes, we can read the signs to shut off cell phones but have you ever had both of your parents needing hospital care at the exact same time. Thanks to that special ER nurse who was able to see we needed both of our folks on the same floor when they were admitted. Both are home now and recovering nicely. Although my Dad's congestive heart failure is progressing-beginning stages of kidney failure now. My Mother cannot cope with this and what is a daughter to do? She has been with him for almost 60 years she tells me. I have had him my whole life - what will I do? Can't tell her that though.

Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way... that is not easy.-- Aristotle.

The mad-sci and I rarely see eye to eye anymore. He works more and harder than I do. I am negative about everything. I put the kids first. I don't communicate enough. On and on the list goes - just ask him. Don't ask me though cuz I will will as hard as I can in the most negative way I know to communicate like I never have before.

“The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving”H.U. Westermayer

I am thankful for each day. I am thankful for my children which were such an unexpected blessing to me. I am thankful that I am 45 years old and still have both of my parents. I am thankful for my large family-my 3 sisters and I have produced quite a herd. And every child in this family is healthy. Most of all, I am thankful that even when I want to quit there is some little voice inside me that talks me out of it. I am thankful for the new Church we have joined-and all because my child came home from school asking if we could! Yes, I am thankful because when you least expect them, blessings do come.

“In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.”
―Robert Frost

So, it has been forever and a day since I have written here. Life is busy. Things have changed and yet they have stayed the same. How profound is that? The boys are almost a month into school and all seems well on that end. The business is, well, still the business. Still trudging along. Or at least the Mad-Sci is trudging while dragging me along. Honestly, I am pretty fed up with it. I am hoping the guys who have been trying to make a deal with us to come in and take over do just that. I made a decision to make a life for me! Just me. For so long I have been working my tail off to see the mad-sci and his dream come to life that I have finally just come to the end. So I picked my lazy rear end up and started to make things happen.

When I was 15 years old, my first job was in a nursing home. And I loved it. I knew then even at that age what I should do with my life. But did I listen to my own self? Of course not. I went down some crazy road that was never ever in my plan. I made some decisions and even became successful at one of my choices in a career. But I walked away when I met the mad-sci 16 years ago. (I hated that career, making all kinds of money for someone else while they just pressure you for more. ) And ever since it has been his goal I have worked for. So a big kick in the pants to my self.

I have taken a job in a group home. I am working with 4 severely handicapped, low functioning individuals. And I have to say, it all feels right. My next step? School! I have to get my nerve up and start that process. Because at the ripe old age of 45 I have come back to what I knew at 15 years of age. It feels great too. Everyone who knows me well has a hard time understanding that this is what I like. I like to work a job that really doesn't seem like a job. Caring for another human being while respecting their dignity gives me a new perspective on life. To have a job where I can give to someone by just doing the simple things in life that most take for granted is pretty rewarding for me. To feed someone, dress and wash them make sure all meds are taken may not seem like much to some. But for me, I know I am doing what I should be doing and there is a kind of peace that comes with that.

I have to say the first day I worked, I stood there, wide eyed, holding back tears. So many things went through my head. This could be one of my family members or it could be me. It was hard to see a human being live with such great disability. The second day I slid right into my groove. Making a grown person who has the function of a 2 year old smile is pretty rewarding. Being able to dress a 160 pound human being while he lays flat on his back and not able to help himself at all is huge! Some get this and some don't. But this is where I belong.

The biggest thing i have learned at this point. I am going to do whatever it takes to drill into my children's heads that you need to do what you know your head and your heart are saying to you. Never ever go against your own heart.