"Years teach us more than books."
—Berthold Auerbach


Summer vacation is rolling along.

Last week the boys and I attended our local library annual Summer kick off reading program. TDog was not happy that I made him go. "Probably going to be all dorks there, all little kids." he said. Well much to his surprise the kick off was a reptile show.
Reptiles..take that son! Now, TDog might have been one of the few older boys BUT it was REPTILES!! Gosh, being able to say "I told you so" even if it is to one of my babies sure feels good.

After we headed to or our Wally World store for groceries. I swear my boys behaved better when they were 3 years old than they do now. Now, I come out of that big honkin' Chinese supplied store looking like a frazzled old women. And my boys? Lately they come out of there with lost privileges. HAH! Grounded..and who pays more? Me or them? Obvious answer for any Mom.

I write all of that to get to this:

While we were checking out our groceries in the new 'serve yourself lane' which my kids think is just about the coolest thing ever. Scan your own groceries? Awesome...and the fight breaks out over who gets to scan and we quickly have a Walmart worker there trying to check our bags for missed items. Argh....both boys are banished to the side of the cart. It is at this point TanMan sees one of his little school mates:

TanMan: Colton, HEY COLTON!!
Colton: (smiles) hi Tanner
TanMan: You should have been at school today. They had snakes and lizards and turtles!!
Colton: (huh?)
TanMan: It was so cool, I got to touch everything too
Colton: Oh, my Dad doesn't have any money.
TanMan: They had a snake thissssss big (hold arms out)


Of course when the child replied with my Dad doesn't have any money, I find myself face to face with his Dad. I froze as the man and I looked right into each others eyes. He had his two children with him and an older lady. Probably his Mother or maybe not..maybe just someone helping him to buy groceries. I could see the look in that mans eye. Defeat. Embarrassment. I was having a hard time. I certainly didn't want to make the man feel worse. Really, what I wanted to do was to go over and hug the man. To tell him I know how it feels, I have been there. Please don't feel this way-keep moving forward.

Over the years as the Mad-Sci and I have worked at raising our children and to get a business off the ground. We have struggled-and struggled is a nice word for it. The Mad Sci has had to take work that he hates, have companies close down, been laid off. It has been one set back after another. If it weren't for my folks there were times that my children would have been hungry. I am lucky that my Mom and Dad have always been there for my kids and for me. Many times I kept it a secret (or so I thought) and my Mom and Dad would pull into our driveway and hand me money or groceries or just something new and special for my boys.

"Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children."
—J. Paul Getty

I know how that man at Walmart felt. I know his kids had an idea of the situation but I could see he was doing what he could to shield them. That little boy didn't really understand what "no money" meant. I know he has probably overheard the struggles. But he was a clean, smiling little boy. After they checked out the man and lady walked by me with his two kids skipping along after them.

I have had a hard time getting that man and his eyes out of my head. I wish I would have had some saving comment to make to him. But I was just frozen. I only hope that he read my eyes as well as I read his. I know your pain-please don't give up and stay strong for the kids.

Easier said than done....

It is a scary time to be raising children. I watch other people who drive brand new SUV's, their kids in designer clothes, riding 4 wheelers and signed up for every summer program available. Do they get it? Are their kids learning what my kids and the man at Walmart and his kids are learning? I know my kids, especially Tdog, get frustrated that they can't do everything they want, that we can't go to Florida on vacation or that they don't have a 4 wheeler to rip around on our land with. They think I am nagging when I try to explain saving gas or to not waste that full glass of milk! They get ticked when every time I pass McDonalds or a store that I don't just wheel right in and buy them a treat.

It is hard to feel that you are letting your children down. And then I think, maybe I am teaching my children something more something better. I have to really stand back and take a deep breath to get to this because struggling is just so damn hard. BUT I want to think that I am teaching my kids the important things. Things like; compassion, how to look out for each other, what it means to be a family, how important going to school is and to try and do well at it. To NEVER give up!

As I look around at the world, all of the jobs being lost, the people losing their homes and the general state of things. Sometimes I have to laugh to myself. The Mad-Sci and I have been dealing with this for a while sooooo that just puts us that much further ahead. The state of the economy probably is more painful for others-only because I am used to it. The people running our Country really have no idea....and I believe never will. Most ( I can't think of one) will never see the struggles I have.

I don't know..they may have the power and the money...but I like to think I have the wisdom. I also know that I can look at the man next to me struggling and look with compassion. Hopefully so can my children.


"When you come to the edge of all the light you have and must take a step into the darkness of the unknown, believe that one of two things will happen. Either there will be something solid for you to stand on or you will be taught to fly."
Patrick Overt

Nail Polish & Turtles

"If you instill in your child a love of the outdoors and an appreciation of nature, you will have given him a treasure no one can take away."
Ted Trueblood

Wahooooo!! Schools out for Summer!!

I am not sure who was more excited for the last day of school, me or my children. No more dragging them out of bed, tossing them in the shower, arguing about the clothes they choose. No more screaming a hundred times to get to bed, shut the light off. And No more Homework battles! Now, watch for my update in 3 months when I am doing the count down of how many days before school starts because I have had enough summer.

The last day of school was a bit rough on me. I dropped TanMan off with his teacher and had tears in my eyes. My baby is growing up and kindergarten days are over. This was obvious as my lil TanMan quickly escaped my side to blend in with his buddies, pretending to not know me. My boys are smart. They know when Mom is about to lose it and they want no part of that scene. I walked alone back to my car crying, looking around wondering; am I the only Mom crying here?

Our first day of summer started with the dog finding a turtle crawling through our yard. The boys were pumped and ran off to find a container to keep the poor thing captive. Later, I was chatting away on the telephone and in they rushed looking for something. Not paying much attention I kept on chatting. After a while I stepped outside to see how the turtle was surviving and was speechless.

Back when I was very young, summer meant running wild and occasionally getting involved with our school summer program. What we never missed was the turtle racing event. We would go find a turtle by a creek somewhere. Funny to think of all the turtles that were found for this. Once we found the turtle we would grab our fingernail polish and paint a number on its back so we could identify our turtle in the race. I don't remember any of the actual races or if my turtles ever won. At some time in my two boys short little lives I must have told the turtle racing stories.

So yesterday when I stepped out my door and looked in the gray tub, filled with rocks, mud, water and a rather large turtle with its whole shell painted bright toenail color pink I was shocked?
ME:"You painted the whole shell?"
TDog: "Kind of but we didn't mean to"
Me: "well the poor thing is flaming pink"
TanMan: "It looked cool Mom"
TDog: "It was a cool design Mom"
TanMan: "Til Janey got it" (Janey is our hunting dog)
TDog: "Janey hit it with her paw and flipped it over so the design I made got all smudged"
Me: "Ahh well that explains it but I told you I only painted a number on my turtles back"
TDog: "Yeah, but this looked cool"
Me: "do you remember why turtles have a shell and why they are the color they are?"
TDog and TanMan: (silence, but I see they are thinking - if they know anything at all my boys know about camouflage)
TanMan: "Well they live in the water Mom, won't it just wash off."
Me: "Does it wash off my toenails when I take a shower?"
TDog: (with a look of 'oh crap') "will it ever wear off??"
Me: "I don't know, maybe-hopefully"
TanMan: "I called Dad, he said they eat fish-we gotta get it some fish Mom"
Me: "just feed it some lettuce and grapes-it will be fine"
TDog : "No Dad says fish!"
Me: "Yes. well Dad isn't home and where in the world am I supposed to get fish??"

And so we were off to the bait store. The 3 older gentlemen sitting on the porch of the bait store and the clerk at the store are probably still talking about us. The lady and her two kids buying minnows for a turtle. Lucky for me they hadn't seen the poor turtle. We spent a day and a half with that turtle in captivity. The boys had great fun holding a minnow in front of that turtle as it chomped the head off. TanMan kept running in the house to show me bloody headless minnows.

So I am guessing the boys are learning something here but when that turtle wasn't munching on minnow heads it was scratching on the side of the plastic tub, trying to escape. I called a meeting.

Me: "OK boys, does that bother you that he hates being in that tub?"
Boys: (more thinking)
Me: "Would you want to be caged like that?
TanMan: "I wouldn't fit in there Mom"
Me: "I know, but what if I made you sit in a little space all day long instead of out running around?"
Boys: (thinking going on...I know it...(Lord please let them think this through)

Phone rings...it is their Dad. I explain the situation and that they don't want to let it go. He says; "tell them it is mean to keep it, let the damn thing go-beside, it is nesting time, it could have laid eggs somewhere or is going to". I relay that message and then go back inside. I watch as TDog talks to TanMan a little then he picks the turtle up and off they run.
Later when I look in the tub, it is empty. Then I wonder how long would I have tried to persuade them to let that thing go if the Mad Sci hadn't called.

Ahhh summer....turtles, baseball and little boys!


"One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries."
—A.A. Milne